you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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