They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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