i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
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I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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