It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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