my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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