It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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