I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
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