had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize