he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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