So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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