i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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