i permit you to call me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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