I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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