yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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