Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
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I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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