Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize