If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
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This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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