NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
its liver damage thursday
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize