yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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