Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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