i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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