Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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