Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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