her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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