In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
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Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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