Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize