You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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