Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize