Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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