In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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