yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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