he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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