Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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