he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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