True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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