her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize