dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize