Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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