He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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