my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize