She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize