I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
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you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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