very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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