I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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