i just had sex bonerless
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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