I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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