My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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