May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize