there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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