I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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