Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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