a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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