her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize